COMING ATTRACTION

Arriving soon at We're All Strangers Here: the New Moon drinking game.

Manliness is next to Drunkenness

While visiting Michigan State last weekend, the only logical activity on a Friday night was to get drunk. At the movies. It may seem as if this is all I ever do...and that's basically true. But it had been a long day of lounging around watching Arrested Development and napping, so Abby and I figured that we should get out of the apartment long enough to spend a few more hours in front of a screen. While perusing the wine section at Meijer, we tried to choose the most interestingly titled wine available. Unfortunately, we couldn't buy a bottle of Joe Blow Red Wine because we had no corkscrew! We settled for The Prodigal Son, which conveniently had a screw on top, and headed to the theater to see the new Wolverine movie. Making up drinking games at the last minute is fun; there's a bit of a rush to it, a hurried anticipation of what's to come. This time, we decided to keep things simple. We only drank to:

• Hugh Jackman being shirtless (being in a tank top counts if his pecs are sufficiently visible)
• The introduction of new powers
• Overt displays of manliness (this mainly includes loud growling, the use of brute force to destroy indestructible objects, or manly power strugges)

Needless to say, the bottle was empty in 40 minutes. I had enough of a buzz going on to partially block out the cheesy dialogue and shield myself from the raw testosterone being emitted from the screen. Unfortunately, a wine buzz only lasts for so long. At least Hugh Jackman is hot.

Drunkness halfway through the movie (1-10): 4.5
Drunkness at the end of the movies (1-10): not nearly enough

Vampires and Vodka (or Rum)

In the same vein as The Uninvited drinking game, Michelle and I created the Twilight drinking game last night. For some reason, Twilight is still playing at the dollar show, even though it's been out on DVD for weeks now. Having already laughed our way through a prior showing of the movie, we figured the best way to sit through it again would be to drink large amounts of alcohol. If you've somehow been lucky enough to avoid the hype surrounding Twilight over the past year or so, I'll give a brief summary of the movie/book plot. Hot, sparkly, obsessive and condescending vampire meets clumsy, awkward, anti-feminist teenaged girl. "Love." Creepy staring. Bad Vampire in a leather jacket. Horrible special effects. Fight scene. More "love" and obsessiveness. The end.

The rules are as follows:

- Bella telling someone not to call her Isabella, "it's Bella." - 1

- Stalker behavior, including but not limited to:

• Watching while asleep - 3
• Staring from afar - 1
• Staring up close - 2
• Trying to get rid of the competition a.k.a. Jacob - 1

- Awkward faces - 1

- Melodramatic endearments, including but not limited to:

• "You are my life now." - 5
• "I love you." - 1
• Stating that one would rather be dead than be without the other - 3
  
• References to being together forever - 1
• Bella becoming a complete psycho when Edward implies that they can't be together - 2

- Bella's clumsiness/references to her clumsiness - 1

- References to 1950s women behavior, i.e.:

• Bella cooking because she's a girl - 1
• Bella cleaning because she's a girl - 1
• Bella taking care of Charlie because she's a girl - 1

- Stereotypical dad behavior - 1

- Displays of super-human strength - 1

- Sparkling in the sunlight - at least 6

- References to inhuman beauty - 1

- References to Edward being "cold" or his chest resembling granite, marble, or stone - 1

- Ridiculous fashion choices - 1

- Bad cinematography, i.e.:

• Shaky camerawork in the woods intended for dramatic effect, but really just causing nausea - 1

- Edward carrying/dragging Bella around - 2

- Stephenie Meyer making a "cameo" (cameo in quotation marks because simply calling it a cameo would imply that she is famous) - 5

Amendments made during the movie:

• Awkward father/daughter moments - 1
• Wearing flannel - 1
• Any character looking constipated, or like they're having an orgasm - 2
• Horrible special effects, especially those involving strength, speed, seeming to glide rather than walk, and emerging from a cloud of fog - 1
• Ill-fitting baseball uniforms/hats - 1
• Overly dramatic lighting, especially in this lovely scene - 2
• Weird "indie" music that doesn't fit what's happening on screen - 1
• Unrealistic portrayal of high school interactions, as in the first minute of this scene - 1
• References to Forks being a small town - 1
  

- Setting up for a sequel - drink until death

Drunkness after the first hour (scale of 1-10): 5
Drunkess at the end of the movie: 4
How much I wanted to die by the time the credits rolled: 9.5

While I hope that I never see this movie again, I am interested in how many dramatic stares (either up close or from afar) occur in 2 hours. I would guess that around 85 stares take place, so if anyone is interested in testing this hypothesis, please let me know! On that note, I really wouldn't recommend drinking for every stare; you might have to enlist an usher to scrape you off of the floor after the credits.

I leave you with this sample scene: Bella and Edward's first encounter. It includes staring from afar, staring up close, awkward faces, a character looking constipated/like he's having an orgasm, ridiculous fashion, and weird "indie" music.

Mother! Dramatic Foreshadowing!

Last night, while making plans to go see The Uninvited at the Dollar Show, Michelle and I decided that the only way to get the most out of our $1.50 (yes, the Dollar Show costs more than a dollar) was to play a drinking game during the movie. Using the trailer and our vast knowledge of scary movies, we developed the following list, as well as the number of drinks attributed to each item:

Dramatic Imagery - including, but not limited to:
- close-up of feet running - 1
- heavy breathing in the darkness - 1
- close-up of a marble on the ground - 1
- birds, particularly crows - 2
- storm clouds/claps of thunder - 1
- silence when there should be noise - 1
- dead animal - 2
- dead bird - 3
- dramatic shadows - 1
- general foreshadowing - 1

Hands popping out, something jumping out, etc - 1
Something falling in slow-motion - 2
Something falling that shouldn't be hitting the floor - 1
Something falling in slow-motion that shouldn't be hitting the floor - 3
A dead bird falling in slow-motion - 6 or so

Use of the word "mom" - 1
Use of the word "mother" - 2

Nonverbal flirting from dad towards step-mom - 1

Use of the words "spirit"/"ghost"/"undead" - 1

Pot smoking - 2

Use of the word "crazy," specifically the main girl saying, "I'm not crazy!" - 1


Looking at old newspaper clippings/looking up on the internet/significant use of technology to solve the mystery - 0-2
Looking at old family photos - 1/photo
Discovering step-mom in an old family photo - 5
Developing photo in a dark room - 3
Developing an old family photo in a dark room and discovering the step-mom in the background of the photo - 9

Amendments to the list made during the movie:
Teen angst - 1
Use of the name "Mildred" - 2
Passive aggressiveness from step-mom - 1
Someone being seen only in a reflection - 1
Aloof father - 1
Something involving the love interest - 1
Twist ending - chug
Michelle guessing the end of the movie - still chugging

We recommend rum and coke, but wouldn't frown upon the alcohol of your choice!