Vampires and Vodka (or Rum)

In the same vein as The Uninvited drinking game, Michelle and I created the Twilight drinking game last night. For some reason, Twilight is still playing at the dollar show, even though it's been out on DVD for weeks now. Having already laughed our way through a prior showing of the movie, we figured the best way to sit through it again would be to drink large amounts of alcohol. If you've somehow been lucky enough to avoid the hype surrounding Twilight over the past year or so, I'll give a brief summary of the movie/book plot. Hot, sparkly, obsessive and condescending vampire meets clumsy, awkward, anti-feminist teenaged girl. "Love." Creepy staring. Bad Vampire in a leather jacket. Horrible special effects. Fight scene. More "love" and obsessiveness. The end.

The rules are as follows:

- Bella telling someone not to call her Isabella, "it's Bella." - 1

- Stalker behavior, including but not limited to:

• Watching while asleep - 3
• Staring from afar - 1
• Staring up close - 2
• Trying to get rid of the competition a.k.a. Jacob - 1

- Awkward faces - 1

- Melodramatic endearments, including but not limited to:

• "You are my life now." - 5
• "I love you." - 1
• Stating that one would rather be dead than be without the other - 3
  
• References to being together forever - 1
• Bella becoming a complete psycho when Edward implies that they can't be together - 2

- Bella's clumsiness/references to her clumsiness - 1

- References to 1950s women behavior, i.e.:

• Bella cooking because she's a girl - 1
• Bella cleaning because she's a girl - 1
• Bella taking care of Charlie because she's a girl - 1

- Stereotypical dad behavior - 1

- Displays of super-human strength - 1

- Sparkling in the sunlight - at least 6

- References to inhuman beauty - 1

- References to Edward being "cold" or his chest resembling granite, marble, or stone - 1

- Ridiculous fashion choices - 1

- Bad cinematography, i.e.:

• Shaky camerawork in the woods intended for dramatic effect, but really just causing nausea - 1

- Edward carrying/dragging Bella around - 2

- Stephenie Meyer making a "cameo" (cameo in quotation marks because simply calling it a cameo would imply that she is famous) - 5

Amendments made during the movie:

• Awkward father/daughter moments - 1
• Wearing flannel - 1
• Any character looking constipated, or like they're having an orgasm - 2
• Horrible special effects, especially those involving strength, speed, seeming to glide rather than walk, and emerging from a cloud of fog - 1
• Ill-fitting baseball uniforms/hats - 1
• Overly dramatic lighting, especially in this lovely scene - 2
• Weird "indie" music that doesn't fit what's happening on screen - 1
• Unrealistic portrayal of high school interactions, as in the first minute of this scene - 1
• References to Forks being a small town - 1
  

- Setting up for a sequel - drink until death

Drunkness after the first hour (scale of 1-10): 5
Drunkess at the end of the movie: 4
How much I wanted to die by the time the credits rolled: 9.5

While I hope that I never see this movie again, I am interested in how many dramatic stares (either up close or from afar) occur in 2 hours. I would guess that around 85 stares take place, so if anyone is interested in testing this hypothesis, please let me know! On that note, I really wouldn't recommend drinking for every stare; you might have to enlist an usher to scrape you off of the floor after the credits.

I leave you with this sample scene: Bella and Edward's first encounter. It includes staring from afar, staring up close, awkward faces, a character looking constipated/like he's having an orgasm, ridiculous fashion, and weird "indie" music.